If you are a queer person, sex can be pretty frightening because we aren’t taught about safe sexual practices during sex ed in school. Sex ed should be available in all schools and should be more inclusive in teaching the younger generation about safe practices. So, without further ado, let’s dive into this blog and learn more about safe gay sex.
1. Discover your body
Socrates said, “Know thyself”. The best way to discover what you like (and what you like less) and how to reach orgasm (or not, and that’s not so bad) is to masturbate. You may discover that some areas of your body are more erogenous than others.
Because when it comes to pleasure, we are all different! Some people prefer direct penetration; others prefer long foreplay or both. Another thing: you may have heard about sex in middle school or high school, but it’s (almost) always discussed through the prism of heterosexuality.
If you want to know more, you can find out by talking to friends or LGBT+ organizations. You will probably also see some pornographic movies, but keep in mind that sex in pornographic movies is not like sex in real life. Penis sizes are often bigger, bodies are more muscular, and practices are more stereotypical and violent.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out! The first thing to do is to RELAX. This can be done through simple breathing exercises like the 4-7-8. Close your mouth and breathe in through your nose while counting in your head to four. Then hold your breath for a count of seven and exhale through your mouth for a count of eight. Repeat ten times in a row. An excellent way to calm the body and mind.
Another thing: assume that not everything will happen as you imagined. It takes time for two bodies to get to know each other, and you may not know the preferences or particularities of the person in front of you. Also, try to desacralize the first time. If you want to do it with the man of your life and prefer to wait, that’s fine. But it can also be with a one-night stand, and no one will judge you for that. Once we’ve said all that, it’s already better.
As with everything, the key is to communicate. Talk to your partner before you start having sex. Tell each other what you want to do, what you like, what you like less. And don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do or aren’t ready for yet. One last thing: consent- yours and your future partner’s- is non-negotiable. Make sure your partner is still willing before each practice.
4. Anal isn’t a must
The rule is, there is no rule. There is no right or wrong way to do it, and there is more to sex than just penetration. There are many other things to do: cuddling, kissing, preliminary massages… etc.
And if there is penetration, don’t hesitate to exchange roles with your partner if you both want to. Some boys are only: passive or active, and others are versatile. Again, there is no one model to follow and no one category you should identify with. Don’t believe everything you see in pornographic movies and talk about it with your partner.
5. Set the stage
Spitting is not enough to lubricate. Whether it’s masturbation or sodomy, lube is your best friend. Choose a water-based or silicone-based product to prevent the condom from becoming porous. If lube isn’t enough, you can also use (in moderation) poppers, a vasodilator that dilates the blood vessels, or an herbal anesthetic gel.
Some people also use an anal enema before penetration. Beware, this practice is not without risk. Over the long term, it can alter the balance of the anal and intestinal flora. Eat plain yogurt after sex to replenish your intestinal flora if you want to. In any case, a shower before and after can’t hurt.
6. The condom
The anus is the area with the highest risk of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, because of its fragile mucous membranes, which are more susceptible to micro-injuries. So no matter what, never forget your extra-lubricated condom before anal sex. It will protect you not only from HIV but also from all other sexually transmitted diseases and infections (STDs and STIs).
Be aware that some STIs and STDs, including HIV, can also be transmitted through oral sex. If you want to protect yourself during oral sex, you can use non-lubricated or scented condoms. Later, if you’re interested, you’ll know that a preventive drug treatment for HIV is also called PrEP.
Sound off in the comments section below and tell us what you want to read next and if you want to read more about safe gay sex and sexuality.